James Kirkup On Tanka In His Remarks On The 1st World Tanka Competition

This is an archive document interesting in that it shows James Kirkup‘s approach to tanka through his analysis of the tanka here when he was asked to judge the 1st World Tanka Competition
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AWARDS OF THE 1ST WORLD TANKA COMPETITION

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English division:

The first prize: Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah( Miyagi, Japan)
the second prize: Paul Conneally (United Kingdom)
the third prize: Neca Stoller (Georgia, USA)

Recommended:
1) Dan Pugh (United Kindom)
2) Sumiko Hamlow (New Mexico USA)
3) Peter Duppenthaler (Osaka, Japan)

Japanese division:
1) the first prize: Nobuko Tsuda(Kyoto, Japan)
2) the first prize: Nobuko Tsuda(Kyoto, Japan)
the second prize: Hiroko Seki(Gunma. Japan)

James Kirkup

THE 1st WORLD TANKA COMPETITION

James Kirkup Judge’s remarks:

Ladies and gentlemen:I was very pleased to receive the excellently-chosen
selection of competition-class tanka from what must have been a welcome
large number of entries. It was a pleasure for me to read and evaluate them.
The standard was high, so it was difficult to judge.

First of all, I am glad to report that all the tanka in the final
selection were correctly composed in the traditional 5-line, 5-7-5-7-7
syllable stanza form of 31 syllables in all. To be able to create a tanka
successfully in this form demands great skill, so I would like to congratulate
all the final twenty finalists on their technical ability.

The success of their tanka techniques must have depended partly upon the
nature of the theme chosen as the subject of the competition. Such a
beautiful, poetic theme of a natural scene that was treated already by the
ancient waka poets and is still relevant today must have been a great
stimulus to the creative spirit. It is a wonderful subject we are all
familiar with, for it is found everywhere in nature –grasses round a
stream.

I was pleasantly surprised by the varied ways in which this subject was
handled by the poets. Both Japanese and non-Japanese entrants discovered
true poetic elements to describe in their verses.(It was easy for me to
guess which had been written by Japanese and which had been written by
non-Japanese, because both groups of contestants had their own individual
style of expression, though with a common emotion.)

In the end, I decided that the best tanka were those which remained
closest to the original theme, introducing many beautiful traditional and
also modern elements into their works. They were all interesting in their
own individual ways and styles. There was occasional??? carelessness??? in the
use of English vocabulary and grammar. The worst faults were made by lack of
discrimination in the use of English words, and some writers spoiled their
last lines with inappropriate adjectives and nouns. There were some
regrettable uses of archaic poetic words, like “nigh” for “near” and “atop”
for “upon”. On the other hand, there were several uses of ugly words,
usually modern scientific terms, like “symbiotic”, “plastic straws” to
describe reeds, abstruse botanical terms and the technical terms in “They
are watched on an AM/ TFT LCD screen “. I do not mean that such language is
not allowed. But it should be used in an appropriate context, and it did not
suit the basic feeling for nature in the theme. Here again, insensitivity to the comparative
qualities of English words weakened tanka that had begun as traditional
natrure poems. It is inelegant, for example, to refer to “insects” — that
great theme in all Japanese literature — as “bugs.”??? The sound of the word
also is very ugly.

A final word of advice: when making tanka, do not forget that poetry
must obey its own laws of logic. That is, the “argument” or “plot” of a
tanka must proceed logically and in a natural manner, taking care to
preserve the sequence of the tenses, and not change from present to past in
the same poem. Poetry demands strong control, and airy, dreamy nothings,
however picturesque, are absurd when ungrammatically presented. Even the
most romantic and emotional poems depend for their existence upon a cool,
logical mind in the poet. For this reason, some of the tanka, though
touching, were an emotional mess, and embarrassing to read. In future,
poets, keep a cool head and a firm grip upon syntax when you compose even
the most passionate of love poems!

It is now my duty and my great pleasure to give you the result of my
long and careful examination of these estimable poetic works. I shall add a
few relevant comments on each winner. First of all, here is the third prize:

There is a saddness
when after days of turning
through fields of flowers
that seem endless, suddenly
the stream reaches the ocean.????????????

Neca Stoller

It is a lovely thought, well-expressed. My only criticism is of the
word “turning” which I would prefer to be “winding”. The expression of the
logical poetic thought is well balanced through all five lines.

Here is the second prize:

An old woman reads
by a fast flowing trout stream
grass seeds ride rapids
the breeze turns back the pages
of her now torn pillow book??????????????????

Paul Conneally

In this touching picture of old age, I admire the “youthful” images of
“grass seeds” and “pillow book”. The latter word in Japanese is makura no
soshi, a form of commonplace book or random personal jottings in
disconnected, zuihitsu manner, which dates from the Heian Period, and the
most famous example of which is the court lady Sei Shonagon’s 11th. century
“Pillow Book” which is satirical and amusing and deeply personal. A
secondary meaning of makura no soshi is a collection of suggestive erotic
pictures, that used to be slipped under the pillow of a supposedly sexually
innocent young bride. I am not sure which meaning is intended in this tanka.
But in any case it was not a simple “bedside book”, the kind we read to send
us to sleep at nights.

The first prize is the following:

Two rings I once wove
from grasses beside a stream.
One I gave away,
its mate I kept for myself,
pressed in the depths of a book.??????

Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah

Here is an unusual interpretation of the contest theme. It is very
carefully planned and composed, and the expression is fluent and correct,
though “mate” is slightly out of tone with the rest of the vocabulary. I
should prefer: “its twin I kept for myself…”??? But that one blemish does
not spoil the tanka as a whole.

There are several other tanka deserving of mention, like:

Around the dawn hour
when that blackbird had been singing
for two or three hours
grasses on the river bank
whisper gently in the breeze

Dan Pugh

But there is an unfortunate change in tense in the last line.

Another tanka has great charm:

How far she has come
to the land near the desert
A water lily
blooms in my garden pond,
white solitude in twilight.

Sumiko Hamlow

Another, with a charming beginning:

Trailing in the stream
the long grasses of summer
minnows nibble them
where the current flows slowly
putting on fat for winter

Peter Duppenthaler

— which is ruined by that banal last line. But it is a good attempt, and
could easily be improved. So I thank you all, and wish you the best of luck
for the next competition!

Japanese division:

1) On the theme, “Grasses beside a stream”

The first prize:

The Shirakawa–
its shallow stream is flowing
so clearly away
while a fragrance of the first
bush clover falls from its bank

Nobuko Tsuda

2) On the theme, “Takigi-noh” or ‘noh play presened in the air’

The first prize:

As it turns darker,
sounds of music and chanting
are growing stronger:
the fiery light releases
fragrance from the dancer’s sleeves.??????

Nobuko Tsuda

The second prize:

     In castle ruins
     the tappings of a hand-drum
     so clearly echo
     that in Komachi’s dancing
     even the moon seemed to smile

Hiroko Seki

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There is a saddness/ when after days of turning
through fields of flowers/ that seem endless, suddenly
the stream reaches the ocean.???????????? (by Neca Stoller)

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????”turning” ????????????????????????”winding”???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????? ??????????????? ????????? ??????????????? ??????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????

An old woman reads/ by a fast flowing trout stream
grass seeds ride rapids/ the breeze turns back the pages
of her now torn pillow book?????????????????? (by paul t conneally)

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????”grass seeds”???”pillow book”????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????”pillowbook” ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????11????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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???????????? ??????????????? ??????????????? ????????????????????? ???????????????????????? ????????????????????????

Two rings I once wove/ from grasses beside a stream.
One I gave away,/ its mate I kept for myself,
pressed in the depths of a book.?????? (by Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah)

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